Thursday, July 23, 2015

Sons of Idioms

Sons of Idioms
by Mike Hammer

“You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?”
“Don’t say that shit man.”
The house shook and the front door exploded off its hinges, hurtling into the front yard.
“Speak of the Devil,” said Lucifer, a gorgeous woman, with colorless eyes and skin that was on fire and constantly burning, as she came into the house.
“Look at what you did, asshole.”
“Is that…..”
“The Antichrist, The Author of All Sin, Beelzebub, the Chief of the Demons, the Enemy of Righteousness, Azazel, Gorgo, Mephistopheles, Mormo, Yon-lo-Wang, Yama, O-Yama, Nihasa, Satan, Wicked One, Slanderer, PRINCESS of Darkness.”
“Yes, yes. I am the Devil. I have many names,” said Lucifer.
“The true Fallen Angel? What are you doing here?”
“You spoke of me, of course. You have done it before, and regularly, and this time I was close by so I have come,” Lucifer gently remarked, smiling slightly after being called the Fallen Angel. She moved closer to Jimmy Bob Joe and ran a finger down his arm, he screamed as a black brand was burned into his skin, but he didn’t move his arm. “To make a long story short, I have come to seduce you,” the Devil said, with such sex it gave me wood, and she took her finger off Jimmy Bob Joe.
Jimmy Bob Joe fell to his knees with a guttural shriek.
“Wait. What?”
“I have come to tempt you with the powers of the dark side.”
I laughed. She slowly turned her neck and looked in my direction. I pissed myself. My body trembled violently and I was forced to my knees by some power outside myself. I yelled in pain as I kneeled unwantingly.
“It does sound a bit like Star Wars these days,” she said, and licked her lips slow. “I think the new movie can’t be as bad as the last few, so I do have some hope that it won’t be such a waste of time. I always have some foolish faith tho, probably Jar Jar Binks will reappear and ruin the movie”
She told us of the Sons of Perdition, a true part of the bible, sort of. She said she and some other angels didn’t agree with god and they didn’t want to go along with his plans. Then god got all dramatic, like usual, and declared war on the angels who disagreed with him/
“What did you disagree about?” asked Jimmy Bob Joe.
“I wanted the angels to remain pure, undirtied by humans and physical limitations and crass and pitiful memories and no abilities and no wings, but god wanted to let you bastards become angels,” Lucifer told us. “And I walked out, and lost my wings.”
“But, god wanted us…………..”
Lucifer slapped Jimmy Joe Bob in mid sentence. The color in his face disappeared. I swear I could see his skull through his skin.
“I’m sorry, he’s not the brightest…”
“He will make a perfect soldier of the devil, a wonderful son of perdition. The sons are merely dumb physical bodies I use. The less they understand the easier they are to use. So, I am assuming Jimmy Joe Bob is in. He did speak of me and is a perfect tool of stupid violence,” Lucifer slowly sang to me - well it was speaking but it seemed like a gorgeous melody was rolling off her lips and I nodded and agreed and waited for more. “The question is, are all your ducks in a row now? Are you ready to join me?”
I kneeled before her.
“Of course you majesty,” I said.
She smiled, slow and wide, a huge wicked grin. It was beautiful, and terrifying. She reached under Jimmy Joe Bob’s chin, raised his chin with two fingers, looked him in the eye and asked “Are you ready to join me, or are you ready to die?”
“I will join you, your majesty,” said Jimmy Joe Bob.
“Excellent,” the Devil smiled, peppy and happy. “Off your knees boys, for now, we are going to war.”
“But your majesty, I just pissed my pants and I would like to…”
“Never mind that,” Lucifer sung to me, gently, cradling me, caressing me, making me feel wonderful with the slow soft tones of her voice. “You won’t have a body for long anyway. Let’s go.”