This is a 1,000 word story
Location: A public library
Object: A remote control
A Tooth Fairytale
I pick up the remote and turn on the sports channel, but golf is on so I turn to one of the news channels and a show is starting. I set the remote down as the title “The Sexist Tooth Fairy Union?” flashes across the screen.
The documentary looks low budget, flood lights are berating a table in front of the Non Fiction stacks of books and three tooth fairies sit at the table. They introduce themselves as Bob, Ken and Steve. The voiceover tells me that they are the only three male tooth fairies working today. Although, it doesn’t seem like they will be working much longer. The three have co-authored a book about the sexism and discrimination in the tooth fairy union and Bob says he thought other kinds of fairies needed to be aware of the conditions of tooth fairies.
I admit working as a Hobgoblin I rarely pay attention to the social inadequacies around me. I generally just terrorize and eat and leave. Hobgoblins don’t really work in teams and there’s no union, probably because we could never pull it off, so I don’t think about it much. There were a good amount of girl hobgoblins, sneaky bitches, and most of the actual goblins were women.
Bob says as the only male tooth fairies, and the tallest of all tooth fairies – Steve was more than an inch tall – that he and his crew were always given the same tooth recovery jobs. They had to fly to trailers and places in the southern hemisphere with open windows, cause the tooth fairy union didn’t think they could get in and out of some places as well as the girls. The documentarians zoomed in on Bob as he sat in the library – where the tooth fairies often went to talk shop and check out loose teeth in the area children and now where Bob and Ken and Steve’s book was – and he gritted his teeth and spittle gather on his lip as he seethed about the union. The show then cut to a grainy document, a press release from the tooth fairy union, a statement that all union fairies are treated equally. However, in the accompanying group photo of the union members the male tooth fairies definitely seemed more tan. Which the narrator points out could have been a result of more time in the southern hemisphere, but it also could have been extra vacation time the union says the guys used up.
The narration says the male tooth fairies were on extended leave for personal reasons. A former tooth fairy reveals she heard the males threatened to sue the union and were asked to leave and I don’t know what’s true. Ken’s wife says Ken came home and constantly complained about a feeling that he was being sent to get all the “bad teeth.” Teeth that were large or cracking or infected or otherwise defective always seemed to be waiting for Ken. The union officials told Ken he was receiving assignments like everyone else did, but he began to question that when he ran into Steve at an office party and they traded some workplace stories. Both Ken and Steve look straight into the camera and say that they felt the male tooth fairies were often more frustrated than the women tooth fairies because of they were treated like meat, big boys to go lift heavy stuff and that’s all.
Ken and Steve tracked done Bob in the North Pole office after the workplace party at their office in Shangri-La and the three of them started realizing how they may have been systematically used and discriminated against, the voiceover says. Bob had a blog that he wrote and used his writer skills to put together their story and attract a publishing company and their book “Am I Getting Fucked Here? The Male Tooth fairies Story” came out in less than a year.
The voiceover tells me that there are lots of lawsuits over the book and related issues. Tooth fairy union representatives tell the show that they are sorry anytime a tooth fairy is unhappy and they are unable to resolve the issue. Bob and Ken and Steve tell the interviewer that they are considering freelance tooth fairy and tooth fairy related – parties, Bat Mitzvahs and circus events – options while the lawsuits get worked out by the Court of Wizards.
Narration says that attorneys for both sides say they are confident but not willing to make statements until the wizard court had made rulings. Bob’s mom says she thinks her son and the others have suffered a tremendous amount of stress and embarrassment through the discrimination revelation. However, the narrator reminds us, the guys have also become celebrities and have gotten fan and love letters and money.
That kind of attention would make my job harder, I’d never be able to sneak around and cause mischief with groupies around, I think. I wonder if the tooth fairies over have to abort a tooth pick up or if they ever wake a kid up because the paparazzi is after them? The media and social media is crazy these days after all.
The documentary ends with a shot of Bob and Ken and Steve in front of the library and it’s closed. The narrator tells us that this story is still going on and we will have to see what fate befalls the male tooth fairies. I pick up the remote and click off the TV. It’s time for me to leave this house, I’ve hobgoblinned here enough, moved all the furniture, ate some food, changed around cabinets and watched TV, leaving it on a different channel. I put my stinky socks and shoes back on and get up from the couch.
Cloud houses always feel unstable to me.
I’m going to go now.